ON LOVE

My children both find themselves in worlds other than the ones they grew up knowing, each are in countries in which they do not speak the native language, and yet each talks about the kindnesses bestowed upon them by others, and so it seems to me the important things transcend the bonds of culture and language.

My daughter lives in Incheon, Korea and is there teaching Korean jr. high school boys English, even as she herself struggles to learn Korean. She talks about the random acts of kindness bestowed upon her by those who recognize her as foreign. Little women running up to her on the streets holding their umbrella over her head so she will not get wet. Older gentlemen worrying when she calls in to work sick, insisting she come into work and sleep in the nurses office so they can keep a watch on her knowing she is alone without family. Offers to help her decipher notes left by the postman as to the whereabouts of her latest package.

Michael is in Dubai, United Arab Emirates and he tells of people helping guide him to his hotel using broken English and exaggerated hand gestures, offering to buy him a drink, thanking him for being "sailor man."

Little niceties, random acts of kindness, concern for a complete stranger, a foreigner even, these things exist in every country, in every culture, in every society, and so it seems to me love is the great common denominator.

Love is the universal language.

Concern for the well being of someone unknown to you is an act of pure love, for there is nothing in these acts for the other person, except the feeling of having done good, of knowing another's life is a little better, a little easier for having crossed yours.

As I struggle to make sense of my spiritual life, the one thing that has never been uncertain is this one fact. The key to everything is love.

I know there is room for more love inside myself. There are people I find difficult to deal with. They frustrate me and aggravate me, rub me the wrong way, and I understand it is a lack of love in me towards them that makes this true.

Love is the key to understanding, and understanding the key to love. They are, to my way of looking at things, opposite sides of the same coin, both necessary for the other's existence.

So the next time I feel my toes curl and my neck stiffen with irritation, I'm going to try to slow down and take a breath and listen, ask questions and really listen to what the other has to say. Listen with ears that want to understand. Put down my judgments and strive to understand.

Even as I type these words I already know this will be a battle I will lose more often than I win, but as with all things worthwhile and right, worth the effort all the same, and hopefully, in time, I will win more than I lose, will be able to stop and listen, will be able to look through eyes of love instead of judgment and listen with ears that truly want to hear.

Someone wise once said, "People need to know how much you care before they will ever care how much you know." Why would any of these people listen to my side of things if I don't care enough about theirs to at least listen to truly understand?

They shouldn't.

They won't

I wouldn't.

I don't.

We are called to love, not to judge.